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Why are those paper toilet seat covers never the right size for the toilet seat? And what are we supposed to do with that middle section?

Why are those paper toilet seat covers never the right size for the toilet seat? And what are we supposed to do with that middle section? We're supposed to tear along the perforated lines before using...right?

The annual Philadelphia Mummers parade. How come they don't sell a line of Mummers clothes?

Mummer Couple, 1978
Mummer Couple, 1978 [photo: W. Maguire]

"Want to go to the parade, hon?"

"Nah. They ignore my cries for help."

New for 2015: Mummerwear© for Him.
Don't just watch the Mummers, now be a Mummer.

Get Mum now. And stay Mum forever.

Yes, I did mean that as a threat.